Sleepy Time, Baby

There was a time, not so long ago, when Howie was a baby (not a 10 month old “big boy”!) that I would dread it when he was asleep. I was mixed with anxiety that he would stop breathing and guilt that I would want to read a book or take a little nap instead of cook or clean like I should have been doing. However, those feelings quickly faded and I, like so many parents, began to crave an hour or two of daytime quiet to get some housework or me-time in. The problem was that I had a kid who hated to nap. I probably created that monster due to my attitude toward his napping as an infant, but the reality was that I had a child who would wake at 8:00AM and be up until 10:30PM and I’d be lucky if he napped for 20 minutes through the day. Not only was this unhealthy for him, but my sanity, what there is of it, was waning.

Part of the problem was that I took my pediatrician’s advice too literally. She told me that until he was 4 months old, we should not leave him to cry. So, I’d place Howie in his crib and within minutes or seconds he would be wailing for attention and I would retrieve him and that would be the end of that nap. I eventually began nursing him to sleep – another no-no…but it was the only thing that worked. However, he’d sleep for only 20-30 minutes and then wake and not be able to put himself back to sleep, so he’d begin to cry and, you guessed it…that would be the end of that nap. I just did not know what to do. In hindsight, I would do a few things differently to make my life and Harrison’s naps a lot easier.

Firstly, not letting the child cry is good advice; even now at 10 months we rarely let him cry longer than 10 minutes. If he is still wailing we go and tend to him, if he is beginning to fade we wait to see if he’ll settle himself. There is no harm in showing your child that you love him and are there for him and it does not create a monster when you go to him when he is seriously crying for attention – as long as you calm him and then leave again. Don’t camp out and don’t play when it is time for nap or sleep. Just soothe and leave. I should have done that from the start instead of just soothe and never leave.

Second, I have come to realize that Howie and, I suspect, most babies need to learn how to nap. Yes, his naps began in 20 minute intervals, but as he grew to understand that if he needed mommy or daddy we would be there in a flash he began to nap longer. Now I hear him waking mid-nap and he does not cry out, he simply goes back to sleep until he’s had enough. You can set your watch by his napping. 1 hour and 20 minutes in the AM and 2 hours and 10 minutes in the PM. Another part of learning how to nap is through repetition. We stick to the same nap time ritual, which varies slightly from AM to PM, but it did not take long for Howie to come to anticipate all the steps and I can see him begging for the crib once his Sleepsack* goes on, as he knows what’s coming next.

Lastly, I have learned that flexibility and patience is the answer. Sometimes he is ready for a nap a little earlier, sometimes he’s got a little more energy, but when it comes to babies sleeping the last thing you want to do is show any amount of impatience. Babies can sense it and if you need that child to go down to sleep then don’t rush your routine. Take some deep breaths and remind yourself that he will sleep, because he always sleeps, and just do what you always successfully do. If he gives you trouble getting down to sleep one day then just repeat the last couple of steps from the naptime routine and place him in the crib again until it works – and it will work.

I think that each family needs to establish their own sleep routine, but in case you are a new parent and need some ideas, here is what our AM, PM and nighttime sleeping routines are like:

Morning (AM) nap
Happens 2 hours from the time Howie wakes up form his nighttime sleep.
Bath time is in the morning, 15-20 minutes prior to nap time (Steve and I tend to work out in the evenings, so a PM bath for Howie is not the most convenient – unless he’s really grimy)
Towel off on change table and play peek-a-boo with the towel
Change the diaper
Get into a clean sleeper
Say “nap-nap” to daddy
Put on Sleepsack
Shades are drawn
Fan is turned on for some white noise
Door is closed over
Breastfeed until full
Down in crib
Mom leaves room

Afternoon (PM) nap
Happens 3 hours after baby wakes from AM nap
Say “nap-nap” to daddy
Undress baby on change table
Change diaper
Put on pajama top
Put on Sleepsack
Turn on fan for white noise
Draw the shades
Close the door over
Breastfeed until full
Down in crib
Mom leaves room

Nighttime Sleep
Happens 3-4 hours after baby wakes from PM nap
Mom and usually Dad bring baby to room and undress him on change table
Mom warms a washcloth and gives baby a sponge bath (this is because we bathe him in the morning, but I still want to get the day’s dirt off of him!)
Change the diaper and apply a coating of Zincofax to protect bum from a long night in the same diaper
Massage the baby with some lotion
Give baby vitamin D
Brush the teeth
Get into a sleeper
Say good night to the world from the window, draw the curtains
Say good night to daddy
Get into Sleepsack
Turn on fan for white noise
Close the door over
Nurse until full – baby must still be awake when putting down for the night, it’s not as crucial for the nap time, but bedtime is a must!
Place baby in crib
Turn on the nightlight (my boy is not a fan of the total dark, who is?)
Leave the room (If he cries I will wait up to 10 minutes depending on the intensity of the whine/cry and return to the room and repeat from the feeding step until he has had enough and place him in bed and leave the room again. If he will not feed then I pick him up until he stops crying and place him back down again – even if he starts crying again I give him a couple of minutes to see whether he will settle on his own before tending to him again.)

Like I mentioned, this is just what we find works for us, you will have a different routine, perhaps you’ll read a book with you’re babe, or sing a lullaby, we will too in the future, but for now this is what works well and we have a baby who used to sleep about 9 hours in a 24 hour period who now sleeps 14-15 hours in a 24 hour period.

Dealing with Howie’s, or my, sleep/nap issues was one of the most challenging aspects of being a new parent. You just don’t know what to do, but you will figure it out and you’ll laugh when you look back on how hard you thought it was at the time and how easy it is now…until they change the routine on you! If you are having difficulty getting your child to sleep and want to read a book that helped me you can pick up Elizabeth Pantley’s The No-Cry Sleep Solution online or at Indigo/Chapters. We also did a lot of reading online and checked out the Ferber method and I think what we have landed on is a bit of a combo of the two approaches to helping baby learn to sleep. Good luck to all my fellow parents. No matter which sleep approach you choose you will inevitably find yourself dealing with some sleepless days and nights until you sort it all out, but you will sort it all out.

*Sleepsack is a terrific product by a company called Halo, it is a wearable sleeping bag that assists in the reduction of SIDS (as compared to babies being covered in a blanket to sleep. Find them here: https://www.halosleep.com/